Enjoy a randomly generated fortune:
$ fortune | cowsay _________________________________________ / Gentlemen, \ | | | Whilst marching from Portugal to a | | position which commands the approach to | | Madrid and the French forces, my | | officers have been diligently complying | | with your requests which have been sent | | by H.M. ship from London to Lisbon and | | thence by dispatch to our headquarters. | | | | We have enumerated our saddles, | | bridles, tents and tent poles, and all | | manner of sundry items for which His | | Majesty's Government holds me | | accountable. I have dispatched reports | | on the character, wit, and spleen of | | every officer. Each item and every | | farthing has been accounted for, with | | two regrettable exceptions for which I | | beg your indulgence. | | | | Unfortunately the sum of one shilling | | and ninepence remains unaccounted for | | in one infantry battalion's petty cash | | and there has been a hideous confusion | | as the the number of jars of raspberry | | jam issued to one cavalry regiment | | during a sandstorm in western Spain. | | This reprehensible carelessness may be | | related to the pressure of | | circumstance, since we are war with | | France, a fact which may come as a bit | | of a surprise to you gentlemen in | | Whitehall. | | | | This brings me to my present purpose, | | which is to request elucidation of my | | instructions from His Majesty's | | Government so that I may better | | understand why I am dragging an army | | over these barren plains. I construe | | that perforce it must be one of two | | alternative duties, as given below. I | | shall pursue either one with the best | | of my ability, but I cannot do both: | | | | 1. To train an army of uniformed | | British clerks in Spain for the benefit | | of the accountants and copy-boys in | | London or perchance: | | | | 2. To see to it that the forces of | | Napoleon are driven out of Spain. | | | | -- Duke of Wellington, to the British | | Foreign Office, | | | \ London, 1812 / ----------------------------------------- \ ^__^ \ (oo)\_______ (__)\ )\/\ ||----w | || ||
$output = shell_exec("/usr/games/fortune | /usr/games/cowsay"); echo $output;